Despair out loud

Despair and fear

Its all despair when no one hears

My soul is searching

It mounts to you

Its like a whisper, its like a flute

The midnight fence, that holds me back

It aches my heart with metal bars

Despair is all i know

Despair its lonely yet its my home

Despair is simple, it holds 7 words

Despair

come join me

We wont die alone

ALONE

Alone I sleep,
And alone I wake,
Alone I dream,
And alone I ache,

Alone I live,
And alone I cry,
Alone I think,
And alone I'll die,

Alone I try,
And alone I fall,
Alone I fail,
And alone I crawl,

Alone I break,
And alone I sit,

Alone I was,
Alone I am,
And alone I'll always be.

Some Words On " HURT"

" Words and hearts should be handled with care;

for words when spoken, and hearts when broken

Are the hardest thing to repair"!

'Broken hearts hurt more than broken bones'

' Getting hurt in the past will never be a reason

to hurt someone in the future'

'Its Funny how the people that hurt you the most

are the ones that swore they never would! '

' Hurting back the people who hurt you,

makes you just like them'

'Waiting is painful, forgetting is painful,

but not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering!' 

'Not all scares show, not all wounds heal.

sometimes, you can't see the pain that someone feels'.

Ironic...

Isn't it ironic?

We ignore the ones who adore us,

Adore the ones who ignore us,

Love the ones who Hurt us

And hurt the ones that love us!

LOSS OF WORDS..

Its strange, i have all these feelings and emotions running through my heart and mind, yet i am not able to find the words to describe how i am feeling or what i am going through as of now. 

Its ironic when there is so much going on , on the inside, one finds it difficult to explain and express about it on the outside!

This is kind of what i am feeling right now... 

I am at a loss of words...! :( 

One day one's world could be all honky dory, happy, bright and cheerful; and yet the very next day that same happy world could come crumbling down on you!

I don't think i'll be posting much in terms of my own writings etc, as i just don't feel up to it, or have the energy to express and explain what i am feeling; so would just let a few songs, their beautiful lyrics, some poems, sayings etc etc do the talking and expressing for me instead.

Not sure, and don't know how long i will be in this state of mind though, a few hours, days or a month or so perhaps;  but untill then..would just let the music, songs, poems, speak and  express the well of different emotions that are occupying my mind and taking up the energy in/of me.

For as the saying goes ' MUSIC IS THE MEDICINE OF A BREAKING HEART'

So perhaps it will be able  bring me out of my shell, my hiding, my hybernation soon..who knows..!?

lets see..

Rock my bed and hush me to sleep

Let me dream of pink ribbons,

 white roses and butterflies in me

Make me believe,

 for once make it real,

 or should I forever preach it's not for me

Only Seven Seconds..

Only seven seconds.   



That is how long it typically takes people to settle on their first impression upon meeting someone.


During those seven seconds very little of that impression has to do with what words are spoken but how they are spoken (tone and inflection) and the body language that comes with them. Is there a kindness to your voice? A sincerity in the greeting? A warmth in your smile? A connecting of your eyes?



Isn't it interesting though that as people are preparing to meet someone new they are more concerned about what they are going to wear or what they are going to say? None of that will possibly even be remembered by the person or people they are about to meet if there is a genuine interest expressed in those brief moments. Whether your hair looks good or you are wearing your favorite shirt will not make a difference when a person senses you have a true desire to connect as your caring spirit is what will be remembered.



Only seven seconds for someone to sense whether there is a heartfelt friendliness or a forced pretense. So before you meet someone new or will be in a situation with lots of people you don't know, check your heart attitude before the Lord.  It's His love which will shine in the tone of your words and how your body eases as you meet and greet each person He places across your path.  

You Get As Much As You Receive

This is one of the stories that I had read and liked ; its about two families living next to each other one is rich but their kids were unhappy, thin and pale, the other family was poor but their kids were happy, chubby and active.
 One day the rich man had noticed that his neighbor’s kids is sitting on the window to smell what they had cooked…and he wondered why is his kids are not so active and happy as them…and he had figured out that the neighbors are steeling his food smell….
he immediately dragged his neighbor to a judge accusing him for steeling his food smell…
so the arrogant judge ruled that the poor man must pay money to the rich man….the poor man started to collect money from everybody in the court house promising them to return it immediately and put the money in a hat then he stood in front the judge and said I have stolen this man's food smell and in return I’ll give him this…
and he shook the hat…and said to the rich man you heard the money clinging … “I have paid you back what I have stolen from you”.

This Song reflects my Mood

QUASIMODO

you can be right
and I'll be real
honesty won't be a pain that you'll have to feel
cause I don't need your approval
 to find my worth

I'm trapped inside of my own mind
afraid to open my eyes cause of what I'd find and I
don't want to live like this anymore

there goes my pain
there goes my chains
did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back
there it goes


does it scare you that I can
be something different than you
would it make you feel more comfortable if I wasn't
you can't control me
and you can't take away from me who I am


there goes my pain
there goes my chains
did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning


there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back


you can't change me
you can't break me
there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back


have you ever felt
like your only comfort was your cage
you're not alone
I've felt the same as you


have you ever felt
like your secrets give you away
you're not alone
I've been there too
cause everyone is looking


and everyone is laughing but I think
everyone feels the same
everybody wants to feel ok
everybody wants to


everybody wants to feel
there goes my pain
there goes my chains


did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning
there goes the world
off of my shoulders


there goes the world
off of my back
cause I don't want it
I don't want it

you can't change me

you can't break me

there goes the world

off of my shoulders

there goes the world

off of my back

there it goes

some people are just meant to stay in your heart, but not in your life.

it just hurts me when everything is so untrue...

***

Love is the biggest fear .. in me.

***

Woke up feeling with lots of thoughts..





What should I say

Sometimes I should stop worrying wondering n doubting n take life as it is .. Have faith that things will work out .. N not how you planned but how it falls in place ...


Sometimes you never know the true value of the moment until it becomes a memory ...

Who Am I?

Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself

Who I am and how my life is different now.

Sometimes I wish it wasn't so easy to forget~

Sometimes I wish it wasn't so hard to remember.

Please Help Me God!

Dear Heavenly Father, I have been sad and upset in the past about many things. But now I feel a sense of deep bitterness which I know is uncalled for and not appropriate, but it hurts so much more than I have ever felt it go before. Please release me from this anguish, teach me to overcome this and still genuinely love others and be a faithful servant to you. May I be reminded that your grace is sufficient for me, that nothing in my hand, but your's and your's alone!

It is not my will but yours, and it probably is not for me to know what will happen in the coming days, months or years, but all you ask of me is to trust in you, in your promises, in your Word, in your justice, in your faithfulness, in your providence and in your blessings to come no matter what.

Thank you for loving me no matter how much I hurt you and still have to learn.

My Mother's Day!

I had an awesome Mothers day this time! My little guy only 9, took me out for lunch in a five start hotel, and insisted on paying the bill himself. Obviously it was prearranged by my ex husband,( for which i thanked him afterwards ;)  but it was nice to see my kiddo meet me at the front enterance all dressed  prim and proper, waiting with a bunch of roses in his hand to greet me!
Felt like i was going on a date after ages!!! :0
We had a lovely lunch , chit chatting, laughing and just having a jolly good time together. I was so proud of him, he looked so handsome and behaved so maturely;
 Kids these days do grow up fast i guess!
This lovely get together after a long while for both us, made it all the more special!
We took pictures together also...then afterwards we came home and spent some more time...with our stomache's all full and bloated with the lovely lunch we ate...played some games, cracked jokes, untill it was time for him to go...!
Goodbyes are always hard, and i didn't feel like letting him go...but i knew he had to...as it was school the next day...and he had some school work to complete.
we bid our goodbyes...and he promised to come visit me soon again. Thanked my Boy for such a lovely Mother's day gift...and gave him the tightest hug i could and then watch him leave with the driver in the car.
I love him so much, and miss him all the time!
May God always bless my child...and be with him in good and bad times, protecting him under his wings, guiding and leading him to follow the right path always.

LOVE U SO MUCH MY BABY! THANK U FOR MAKING MY MOTHER'S DAY SO WONDERFUL, SPECIAL AND MEMORABLE! MUUUUUUAAAAHH!

Appriciating the small things in life

Life in general is full of inspiring moments. Sometimes they hit us in the head and sweep us off our feet.  Those are the one’s that move you and fill you with such intense emotion that you cannot but help to pick up a pen. I often find the hardest times to write are those  when everything is running “smoothly”.   It is then that we have to take the time to appreciate the beauty in the little things and “normal” moments in our life and appreciate them enough to want to write them down.

I wish i could ..

I wish I could understand or see the motives and intention of the people around me. To be honest even some of the intentions and motives of some of the people I call friends! I don't know where this sudden influx of paranoia stems, but I can't shake the feeling of individuals smiling in my face, but dogging me all at the same time. How would I react if I knew how people really felt about me?






I know that you can't make people love you or treat you the way you treat them, but I can wish can't I? I really feel like some thing is coming, but I can't put my finger on it.




I wish we could all just get a long. I wish we can all just be real in our lives for once!

Been There, Done That


I feel worn today. I look back over my 39 years of life, and I just sigh. I've seen more in these years, than some people ever will. I've witnessed heartaches, heartbreak, milestones, and miracles.  For better or worse, it's my journey. This life I lead is leaving scars. Some are healed smoothly, and some are still real raw, but they are shaping me. I am seriously curious to see what the next 39years will bring.



Food for thought:


What will the world say about you in a hundred years?