Let It be a new Begining...

It's an endless cycle with me. I breath in. Loved. I contemplate. Mistrust. I breath out. The end of everything I love and hold dear.

I'm incapable of being happy with another human being because I am incapable of expression of self. I can't ever describe who I am or what I think and I rip up the ground that has been built up.

I want more than anything to end this vicious cycle of mistrust and idiocy. I want to trust and to stop being so insecure. I need to realize that I AM loved and that someone DOES care about me and I need to trust them and how they feel and just love them back with all I am capable of doing.

Please...God help me make it through all this bullshit with me. Be there for me. If i can overcome this crap; I'll be unstoppable!

No matter how bad your heart is broken'

the world doesn't stop for your grief.

“Mother Nature In Her Finest Dress”

Who says words aren’t powerful enough to move Rocky Mountains?
The right words spoken at the right time can pretty much capture them in an enchanting way as well.

Who are we when noone is watching? Have you ever noticed how contrasted this thing is? I can go from charming and sweet to rage filled and evil at the snap of the fingers. I'm constantly amazed at the amount of stuff we can keep to ourselves. How many times have I felt devastated inside, and yet I smiled through it so I wouldn't weigh anyone else down. I shudder to think of all the times in my life that I looked someone in the eye, held a light conversation, and never let them see the real me. If I'm completely honest with myself, I've cursed my friend's, my relatives, a  million times for being such a master at disguising pain. Yet I'm exactly the same. I tell myself strange little things. Like "there's no time for your problem", or "other people need more help than you". "Now is just not a good time for a melt down", or "there will be time for that later". The truth though.... My pain is as real and as pressing as anyone else's. My emotions are just as important as every one else's. There are no brownie points for holding it all together. No one will ever congratulate me for suffering silently. All that we have is today, and for today I choose to be genuine. I choose to speak truth. I will be broken and I will be brave. But mostly, I will be me...!

Where Have All The Good Men Gone?

Where Have All The Good Men Gone?




I swear there is a shortage out there. Is it too much to ask for one good guy? I'm not talking marriage material here (lets not get crazy), just someone date worthy. I'm not looking for something lasting, but whatever happened to having a laugh? Where are all the datable non apes?

THE LYRICS IN MY HEAD

'I've got a rough and tumble heart


well, it took a few falls till it got smart


but its still tender in the deepest part

this rough and tumble heart'

The Nature of the blog world!

It is my belief that blogging can bring out the best and the worst in people. It's because of the nameless, faceless nature of the thing. Sure, you see pictures and you know people in a general way... but here in blogland you can show any side of your self you choose. It's important to remember that you're only seeing what the writer is showing you. For example, If you know me from blogging you know these things:

I'm poetic

I'm broken

I'm a fighter

I love my cats

I love my family & imp friends

I aspire to bigger things

I've experienced great loss

I worship God and a good cup of coffee

I have an odd sense of humor

I struggle with depression

I value my privacy

I am a Diva

But that is only a small part of who I am. I am a survivor. I am brave. I am direct. I am unemployed. I am tired. I am occasionally heart broken. I am hopeful. I am so many things that stitch me together. I don't mind listing my "I am's" . When they are all strung together in a thread it's really quite beautiful. But I would genuinely hate it if you spent too long looking at just one element. Please remember that I am all those things!

I love you all!

A TRUE FRIENDSHIP IN THE MAKING PERHAPS..!?

Funny how something so simple can both thrill and terrify me.

 I'm so used to being treated in a very specific way by men,

 it's a shock when I'm regarded any differently.

 With this man, another first.....

A friend with benefits.

The true benefit being actual friendship!

I think I may not hate this developement. ;D

LOVE.....

True love

blue love

in the new love

love at bay

love delayed

love in a vacuum

love in a vacant room

curious love

furious love

love tossed aside

love quietly denied

love for the ages

love for the sages

forgotten love

misbegotten love

patched up love

detached love

love for sale

love derailed

love till it hurts

hurt till you love...

The weight of lies

“The weight of lies will bring you down


And follow you to every town


Cause nothing happens here that doesn’t happen there


So when you run make sure you run


To something and not away from


Cause lies don’t need an aeroplane to chase you anywhere”



- The Weight Of Lies,
 Avett Brothers

Prisioner's....

You used to give me roses,

i wish you could again

but that was on the outside

and things were different then

on the inside the sun still shines

and the rain falls down

but the sun and rain and prisioner's too

when morning comes around!

I"M A BITCH..!

I just love the lyrics to this song, as i think it describes Me to the T and maybe alot of Women on the whole in genrel; and thats why time and again i keep posting it on my blog! So here it is again- Enjoy!

I hate the world today

Youre so good to me

I know but i can't change

Tried to tell you

But you look at me

Like maybe i'm an angel

underneath Innocent and sweet

Yesterday i cried

Must have been relieved to see

The softer side

I can understand

How you'd be so confused

I dont envy you

Im a little bit of everything

All rolled into one

I'm a Bitch,

i'm a lover

I'm a child,

I'm a mother

I'm a sinner,

I'm a saint

I do not feel ashamed

I'm your hell,

I'm your dream

I'm nothing inbetween

You know you wouldnt want it any other way

So take me as i am


This may mean


You'll have to be a stronger man


Rest assured that


When i start to make you nervious

And I'm going through extremes






Tomarrow i will change


And today wont mean a thing




Just when you think,




You got me figured out


The season's already changing


I think it's cool,


You do what you do


And dont try to save me








I'm a bitch,


I'm a tease


I'm a goddess on my knees


when you hurt,


when you suffer


I'm your angel undercover

I've been numb,


im revived




Can't say I'm not alive




You know i wouldn't want it anyother way




We are angels,


we are devils,


we are weak,


we are strong.


We need you,


we need no one.


We are women.

IF ONLY~

if only~

living in hope

that you would notice me

just a glance

would do me good

praying to god

that you would like me

just a crush

would make me happy

wishing to stars

that you would cherish me

just a little

would make me blissful

blowing to winds

that you would love me

just this life time

would make this pain worthwhile

Good People

“It’s not often life throws good people at you - but when it does, you’ve got to make sure you make the most of it.”

- Corey B

Deception

lull me into a beautiful dream

leave me with a false sense of security

shelter me from the truth with lies

show me the loveliness of you

the dreams that i once had were yours

here i am returning them to you

so, please i beg of you,  please

stay close to me now

or at least until i cease to exist

that wouldn't be long till then

fading into infinity i feel myself

life that i cherished ,love that i gave

you left them there to die

if it's not too much to ask

if it's all right with you

do stay here awhile more

but don't wake me up

from this fantasy of mine

i would die knowing

that you aren't really here !

What would you not change for love?

love should not become another tool to control women. As an adult, a woman should remain free to marry anyone from any religion. And if she chooses to, let her convert.

But my personal opinion is that love and marriage should not require either of the partners to stop being who they really are… simply because they can’t.



1. I feel one should not need to convert to a partner’s religion.


2. I feel one should not need to change names or surnames. It is inconvenient and unnecessary, but even if it was convenient, it’s based on the principal of ownership of another human. So the very premise, in my opinion, is wrong.


3. I feel one should not need to change feelings towards one’s own parents and family. Unfortunately girls are sometimes expected to do this; especially in joint families… Marriage should add to your life, not take away from it!


4. Friends and family are a support system, nobody should be asked to give them up. Also isolation of the victim is common in cases of Domestic Violence. (Now, the Domestic Violence Act has made it an offence to stop a woman from meeting her family).


5. One should not need to change one’s Personality. For example, no extrovert should be asked to become an introvert. That’s controlling.


Everybody, including women, must have some interests of their own, and some me-time, so if she is asked to stop interacting with the world (to protect her!), she better watch. Insecurity and mistrust are not good signs. And…

6. Trust must include faith in and respect for her judgement. Giving in to the spouse’s unreasonable wishes does not improve a relationship. Such controlling might be the beginning of Domestic Violence – verbal or physical.



7. The woman should be trusted to decide how she must dress, and not her husband’s grandmother’s cousin’s daughter’s brother in law!!


Do you think we should need to change ourselves for love or marriage? And how much? Is it true that we can find happiness in our partner’s happiness (after the first few months of a relationship), or do we need our own happiness too?!??

Jaded

Jaded

This despair that i've grown to love

this loneliness that i've grown fond of

this life that i've grown to hate

this being that i've grown to be

drifting away further and further

away from the reality that hurt

drowning deeper and deeper

below the shimmery glint of revenge

who is this i see standing in front of me

with sad brown eyes and a sad crooked smile

who is this i see touching my face

with cold cold hands and icy stare

don't keep me here anymore

don't chain me to this golden cage

don't tempt me with a brighter future

don't blind me with hopes of love

merely an illusion of being

to disguise the hatred within

merely an imaginary of life

to hide the ugliness inside

don't turn a blind eye to me

don't shut your ears away

don't run away from my truth

don't kill what's left of me

Random Thought Of The Day

You're free to leave me but just

 don't deceive me.

Logical imagination

“Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere.”

- Albert Einstein